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I want to see about digging the car out anyway. Monty: Free to those that can afford it, very expensive to those that can't. Will we never be set free? I've some extremely distressing news. If you don't leave, we'll call the police. This is a court, man. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! Jake: Now look, you. If you don't remember the sixties, don't worry - neither did they. [Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before]. Marwood: He says he won't come in for lunch without an apology. The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman. 13 million Londoners have to wake up to this. Withnail: Scrubbers! [voiceover] "I fuck arses." Withnail: (Appalled) How dare you! Talk:Withnail and I. Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. Withnail is cowering under the covers]. Indeed, I remember my first agent. It's you he wants. echosmith cool quotes lyrics kid song yah crowd she straight lyric follow quotesgram sees them lines bord kiezen he sydney And I'm sitting in this bloody shack and I can't cope with Withnail. Hair are your aerials. I suggest you both go outside and discuss it sensibly, in the street. Speed, is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane Time change. Marwood: [gesturing at the wine bottles and Marwood in the back] Don't vent spleen on me, I'm in the same boat! Danny: I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth. To offer it the show of violence", [as Monty continues to recite the line from Hamlet, Marwood gets up and whispers in Withnail's ear]. Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Look here, my cousin's a QC! Thought I was going for a minute. Monty: Listen to this. You lose, you gain Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. Withnail: Street: the embalmer. Why trust one drug and not the other? Marwood: Who fucks arses? [screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning] The man was fined $10,000 and was ordered to pay $1,843 in restitution to Maine. Withnail: Withnail: hide. Marwood: Jesus Christ! Don't threaten me with a dead fish! Withnail: You got a rush. Marwood: Please, let's go. Danny: Amy Audrey Locke's 1912 In Praise of Winchester offers an anthology of over 100 pages of prose and verse about Winchester College. Marwood: Withnail: Withnail: Withnail: No you won't, you're not leaving me in here alone. You love him. [Danny offers Withnail his huge Camberwell Carrot spliff] So he looks at the Coalman and says, "What's all this? You want working on, boy! We don't want a rabbit, we want a pheasant. Have you either of you got shoes? C*nt give him two years. Marwood: It features Paul Heller as producer, Lord David Dundas, and Rick Wentworth in charge of musical score, and Peter Hannan as head of cinematography. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. tags: humour, withnail-i. How noble in reason, how infinite in faculties! "Oh no, please, don't pull my head off." I don't consciously offend big men like this. Plot - Withnail and "I" - the narrator - are two aspiring actors and friends who are looking for a job in London without success. Followed by yet another anecdote about his sensitive crimes in a punt with a chap called Norman who had red hair and a book of poetry stained with the butter drips from crumpets. Oh dear no no No, I'd be sucked into his trap! Oh, Baudelaire. Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). The beauty of the world. Withnail: No, I haven't got another. Danny: Relax, man, find your neutral space. It will pass. We want the finest wines available to humanity. [the bull is scraping the ground with its front hoof, snorting]. We're in danger, we've got to get out. Its landlord was a retired alcoholic with military pretensions and a complexion like the inside of a teapot. The purveyor of rare herbs and proscribed chemicals is back. My brain's capsizing, I've gotta unfuck my brain! Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree. *Fork it*! I brought two of these in case either of you is any good in the kitchen. Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. [holding up a pill] Withnail: Withnail: The Coalman had to go to Jamaica. Warm up? Marwood: Withnail: The only programme I'm likely to get on is the f***ing news! I think we've been in here too long. [voiceover] I've only had a few ales. Withnail: I could take double anything you could! No, nor woman neither nor woman neither. "I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head.". Withnail: Look at Geoff Woade. In this case, it most certainly would not. Well, I don't know. Danny: Monty: What a piece of work is a man. I demand to have some booze!. St Peter preached the epistles to the apostles looking like that. 2010 Drama 24M views 2 years ago Uncle Monty - the end of an age ohheckforgotusername 157K views 11 years ago Withnail & I 30. What happened to my cigar commercial? Look at my tongue. Black puddings are no good to us. *What are you doing prowling around in the middle of the fucking night*? [she still doesn't answer. Beastly, ungrateful little swine! I've told you why. Dont be ridiculous. Rejuvenate. But sooner or later you've got to get out because it's crashing. 'S alright, 's alright, s'alright We're going, our car has arrived! Well neither have I. The purveyor of rare herbs and prescribed chemicals is back. My brain's capsizing. And it isn't his fault he cannot love you any more than it's mine that I adore you. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. We worked out it would be very handy karma for him to get hold of a suit. The only programme I'm likely to get on is the f***ing news. Brings back such memories of Oxford. An expert on bulls you are not! Look at this - accident blackspot? Monty: Well, of course you dont, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? "I'm gonna pull you head off." Then you get horribly drunk and they can't fucking touch you. Marwood: Well, I don't know. Monty: I'm good-looking. What fucker said that? . And soon, I suppose, I shall be swept away by some vulgar little tumour. Murder and All-Bran and rape. Oh, of course you are. Do you mean you've been up here in all this beastly mud and oomska without Wellingtons? Bit early in the morning for festivities, isn't it? We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now! Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your f***ing appendix doesn't mean anything! It's ridiculous. Come on, old boy. withnail. Yes, but if it rains, we're buggered. A coward you are, Withnail! Monty: Marwood: Suits me. And here we are, we three, perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. There are are things in there; there's a teabag growing! Withnail: God fulfils himself in many ways. Withnail: That's what you'd say, but that wouldn't wash with Geoff. Marwood: Then they must be delighted with your career. Marwood: I fail to see my family's of any interest to you. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You're looking very beautiful, man. Precisely the reason I'm smoking it. A self-sustained nicotine-yellow and fly-blown lung. A coward you are, Withnail! You can use the left-hand menu to view some of the most popular quotes from the main Withnail and I characters . Jake: Matter. Now that represents a degree of hypocrisy I've hitherto suspected in you, but have not noticed due to highly evasive skills. What do you want? Then they must be delighted with your career. Nor women neither. Oh, but how dreadful. "In a world exclusive interview, 33 year old shot putter Geoff Woade who weighs 317 pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. We are multimillionaires. Marwood: Withnail: How dare you call me inhumane! You fill this with piss, take this pipe down the trouser and sellotape this valve to the end of the old chap. What happened to my agent? [they stop and look at each other. I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. Why can't I have an audition? You never discuss your family do you? I had to come. [teary-eyed] Quotes.net. Don't you agree? Rubbish. We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires! And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. Marwood: (Voice-over) Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Give me a downer, Danny. [leaning out the car window] That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Forgive me, it was inconsiderate of me not to have telegrammed. An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door, she still doesn't answer. How dare you tell him that?! Search, discover and share your favorite Withnail And I GIFs. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. Withnail: You've had an audition. There's nothing out there except a hurricane. He's a madman. You will make it low. Withnail: Cake. Withnail unfolds the note and hands it to Monty. What's in your hump? How noble in reason! report. Evidently country people are no more receptive to strangers than city-dwellers. Headhunter to his friends. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Withnail: Withnail: Look at my tongue. Old suit? You are invited to spend an hilarious weekend in the English countryside. Imagine the size of his balls. No, his dog doesn't come up here. Especially that. A cat, rain, Vim under the sink, and both bars on. I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose. Best kill it quick before it tries to make friends with us. Stop saying that! The thermostats. If you're hanging onto a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision. Withnail: Withnail: Withnail: Rejuvenate! And how dare you tell him you rejected me?! There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside! Dosed 'em. One of my favourite movies. Withnail: You mean we've come out here in the middle of f***ing nowhere without aspirins? I feel like a pig shat in my head. Always full of women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow. Here."" (Richard Griffiths) "Laisse-moi, respirer . Monty clearly has some difficulty in reading the note. Have you been at the controls? Or do you shut yourself off from new experience? We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. It's full of brilliant quotable lines: "We've gone on holiday by mistake!" "My thumbs have gone weird". Something's got to be done. [reading graffiti] We'll keep them here til they arrive. Marwood: I didn't call you inhumane. Marwood: My thumbs have gone weird! Monty: Hair are your aerials. I have a heart condition, if you hit me it's murder. [to Marwood] Withnail: Monty: It's society's crime, not ours. Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. I've absolutely no interest in yours. [smiling] [he throws the shopping the air and it scatters in the mud. I don't advise a haircut, man. Marwood: Prostitutes for the bees. Withnail: ""Here. If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present. [narrating over scene] You merely imagined it. It will die, it will die! Hairs are your aerials. Withnail: I'll not have this shag sack insulting me! Irishman: Withnail is cowering under the covers, the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch, screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning, the man who called Marwood a ponce gets up and walks over to them. Imagine getting into a fight with the fucker! Tea Shop Proprietor: Before I became a journalist I was in the Territorials. [shouting at his cat] The movie, which takes place in England in late 1969, involves the misadventures of a pair of chronically unemployed actors. My heart's beating like a fucked clock! Uncle Monty: Oh, my boys, my boys, forgive me. I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! Marwood: grant . Peter Marwood (I): Stop saying that Withnail, of course hes the fucking farmer! I'm gonna be a sta-a-a-a-ar! Withnail: Nonsense, this is a far superior drink to meths! Monty: The beauty of the world! Why have you drugged their onions?! I'm glad you're the proprietor, I was gonna have to have a word with you anyway. Withnail: There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this f***ing mountainside! Withnail: Where is he? You've got soup. [points a fencing sword at Marwood face] We're incompatible. A cat, and the rain Vim under the sink, and both bars on. You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. Danny: Withnail freezes in terror with a mouthful of pie, ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck, Withnail suddenly runs out of the pub, so does Marwood, Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce, Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid, he pours the lighter fluid down his throat. I think we'd better release you from the lgumes and transfer your talents to the meat. Here, I dont want it. [he pulls its head off and tips some pills out of it]. We've got to get some booze. Be seated. Jesus Christ. let him get his drugs out! Be seated. Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity. How like a god! I might fetch you up a rabbit. Danny: Marwood: Ah! by Anonymous: reply 16: February 3, 2021 10:58 PM: I've gone on holiday by mistake. It's impossible, I swear it. Cooking's one of the natural instincts. Much more of this and I'm going to apply for meals on wheels. Withnail: Monty: Now, look, you. Raymond Duck. Marwood: (Voice-over) Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day, and for once I'm inclined to believe Withnail is right. Marwood: [shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement]. This dreadful little Israelite. Withnail: What had I done to offend him? [calmly] I've only had a few ales. Stop saying that, Withnail! Withnail: Right can anybody explain the here hare here joke from withnail and I? Withnail: Withnail: Two quid? Hurry up, Mabs. Hey, give us a wheeze on that fag. Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness! "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." Marwood: (Voice-over) I could hardly piss straight with fear. Offer him yourself. Ah, he knows. It has felt like listening to a symphony and here comes the crescendo. You got to throttle him. Withnail: I fail to see my familys of any interest to you. Prostitutes for the bees. Danny: Withnail: Belongs to the fellow downstairs. [Marwood knocks on the door of a farmhouse. What have you done to them? This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight. Monty: You won't keep us anywhere. Have another look in that shed. He leans up close to her, speaking into to her hearing aid]. Scrubbers! Withnail: These are the sort of windows faces look in at! [They drunkenly barge into some tearooms]. It's all your fault. Withnail: You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and f*** off while you're doing it! Withnail: It's like great yellow sock. I can never touch meat until it's cooked. Would you like a drink? Then why's he wearing that old suit? [Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note], Monty: Withnail: Marwood: I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum! And all at once those frozen hours, melt through the nervous system, and seep out the pores. Withnail: Marwood: Withnail, you bastard, wake up. A little before your time. So there's this judge sitting there in the cape like f***ing Batman with this really rather far out-looking hat. Withnail: I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside? Well, lick 10 percent of the arses for me, then! Withnail: Isaac Parkin: They walk down to the cottage. How like a *god*! Grab its ring.